Every time I see a Lupin flower, I am instantly taken back to a time in my life, 15 years ago, when I lived in Northern Minnesota near Lake Superior.
Joy, slow living, ease, love, cyclical living, & groundedness effortlessly flowed.
I have vivid memories of being amongst the lupins on my long runs in the dirt backroads while I was training for half-marathons.
ALL my senses come alive when I think of this-I can feel the dampness in the air of an early summer morning, smell the mineral-rich dirt drying up from the early morning dew, hear the early morning songbirds engaged in conversation and the sound of the nearby creek still engorged with springtime snowmelt water. I feel the ever so slight breeze on my face slowly waking me up and see an abundance of deep purple and pink tall lupins greeting me as I run for miles and miles along my trusted training route. I can still see the lupins going from having dewdrops on them in the early morning to radiating vibrance and light as the sun rays begin to catch them and warm them up as my run comes to an end.
🌿When I picture this, my body feels calm, at ease.
🌿There is spaciousness in my chest to breathe.
🌿Nothing feels heavy.
At the time, we lived in an old restored barn with a couple of Husky dogs and would be lulled to sleep by the sound of Wolf calls and Spring Peepers.
This was a time in my life when I was a time millionaire. And I had no idea!
I would spend any time I was not working going on LONG hikes, visiting local swim holes, making my own bread, pickling my own homegrown veggies, spending lazy weekend mornings in bed with my husband, travelling seasonally to gorgeous places for work, receiving guests for delicious food, drinking lots of cheap 3$ wine (I’ve evolved since then), going rock climbing, paddling lakes and rivers, backcountry camping, doing yoga, and making things.
Let me assure you, not everything was perfect and I definitely had some challenges, but looking back, it was dreamy.
I remember when my husband and I were about to move to a different location and pursue other education opportunities and leave this lifestyle saying to him: “YOU know, we are going to look back on this period of our life here and REALLy miss it”. He said “I know, but it’s time”.
When we moved to Canada, we lived in a more urban environment and the late springtime/early summer was no longer marked with the appearance of these tall vibrantly beautiful flowers.
I missed them.
There was one home in our neighbourhood that had a large beautiful ornamental wildflower–like garden and the owners had planted a very small lupin patch. Every day during early June, I took my dog for a walk past this house and was soothed by looking at the lupins but missed their wild beauty accompanying me through the season in masses.
Numerous years later, we moved our family to a different province (where we still live) close to where I grew up. One June morning, I was driving and there they were hundreds and thousands of Lupins everywhere!
✨My hear sang. My senses came alive. My body felt a deep rush of calmness and connection. I cried.
I had forgotten they were indigenous to the land here and had a deeply rooted place in the wild area. I began reconnecting with the calm, peace, and energy they give me.
This was at a very difficult time in my life where I struggled in many areas and could not have time for me. The Lupin brought me some relief from that. It was a shared symbol between my partner and I and I was so excited to introduce this flower to my children.
When we moved into the home where we currently live, one day in the springtime, my husband enthusiastically took me outside and was excited to show me his new discovery- because he knew…
It was a little Lupin leaf emerging from the Spring soil. 🌱
We both instantly recognized the familiar leaf. We started walking the ditch in our front yard to discover numerous little other leaves beginning to emerge.
My eyes started tearing up and I felt an immense sense of gratitude to the Earth for gifting me these meaningful precious flowers on the land where I lived.
So now, when lupin season comes around, I bathe myself in them! I use every opportunity to be around them as much as possible, cultivate them, gift them to people, photograph them, etc.
To me, they are more than a pretty flower; they represent so much of my connection, growth, and continued healing. It is a symbol that unites my husband and I through time and place and now a ritual with my kids to marvel and harvest them.
But most importantly, they are a sensory anchor that I can rely on to bring me nervous system regulation.
So, if you are still reading, I want you to know that we can use nature in POWERFUL ways to not only change our internal states but also to accompany us through time and change.
And for the lupin, I am grateful for this.
✨I am curious, what is YOUR Lupin? What element in nature hold that power and that story for you?
✨What difference does it make to your day when you turn toward this element?
If this blog resonates with you, For more tips, check out my FREE GUIDE on how to take 3 mini-moments for yourself even when everyone else needs something from you. I promise, there’s some good stuff in there!
With warmth and light,
Recently, I have been struggling with “keeping up” with, well, my life. All the things; the tidying, finding clothes for the kids in this new season, adapting to the sudden swarm of mosquitos and bug bitten kids, feeding myself and the kids, taking time for me amidst this, trying to connect with my partner, navigating some pretty impactful challenges with one of my kids, endlessly trying to find childcare, figuring our finances, working on new offerings for my business, and just generally trying to have some semblance of feeling OK in it all. 💨🌪
You know when EVERYTHING just feels HARD? 😩
Why am I telling you all this?
Because, mama, I know you have most likely done like me, tried ALL THE THINGS to try and feel better. Because, like you, the mothers I work with are resourceful beings.
Resouceful like I tried being today.
I tried re-conceptualizing “the mess”, “lowering my expectations” (they are already pretty low these days), telling myself that this is temporary, doing some things to regulate my nervous system, nature time, putting my hands in the dirt (garden); you see where I am going…
But it was not helping.
Then, I gave myself a real dose of “this is fucking hard” and “this sucks”. I sat in it pretty much of the day. There were tears and still are. I went through my phase of “I should be able to use my resources to “get over this””. Hello old friend!
I have enough evidence of my 40+ years in this world and in my years of parenting that these difficult feelings will shift eventually but, you know what, it’s still tough. I am not yet done learning this apparently. And that’s ok.
BUT, you know what I didn’t do?
👉Try to fix everything in my life, pick an argument with my partner, turn to people in my life that I know will not be helpful and then just feel even worse, catastrophize, compare myself to others,
The things I had been very skilled in doing over my lifetime that I have moved beyond.
By the way, the ALL THE THINGS I mentioned trying earlier DO work, they just don’t take away the emotions that arise.
✨And that’s when it hit me! I am continuously trying to “work really hard” at using these tools because there was a part of my life that the feeling I experienced today completely overtook me and was present for the beginning years of my little ones’ life. And I know I don’t EVER want to go there again. And I won’t because of my continued journey and path and, most of all, my commitment to myself.
Your relationship with yourself if the only relationship that will span the length of your lifetime.
Let that sink in.
You are in relationship with yourself longer than you will EVER be in with anyone else.
Might as well befriend yourself and REALLY learn to partner with yourself so you can trust in yourself and rely on yourself in moments like these. You see, I have given myself the evidence through my own track record to myself that I will show up for myself in moments like these.
And showing up does not mean not struggling.
Today, for me, it meant being an observer and noticing familiarity in what I was experiencing and knowing that, despite how horrible it felt, that the light in my forward path is there. And with gentleness and love. And, with this, I am continuing to build self-trust.
🌱 So, mama, how are you showing yourself evidence of self-trust?
🌱 How do you show up for yourself?
🌱 What do you want to start doing differently so that you show yourself a stedfast commitment to you?
💥🔥Stay tuned early next week for a FREE mini-offering to do just this, help you connect with yourself in these moments that feel unbelievably hard.
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