New Years Resolutions; No Thanks! 

With January in full swing, I’m still seeing lots of buzz around new years resolutions, the new you, change, etc, etc, etc.
 
But you see, that actually does not fit for me. 💯
 
And I suspect it does not fit for the rest of us living in the Northern Hemisphere. ❄️
 
The Gregorian calendar, in my view, is not synced with the seasons and this idea of “starting new” and a call to action in the middle of the coldest and most still periods of the year just does not make sense for our bodies and our minds. 
 
Instead, we should be listening to our bodies and minds and nourishing them in a way that is aligned with the energy of the current season. 🌨
 
Winter is a time for stillness, contemplation, retreating, & often more time alone. 📚
 
Our ancestors living in colder climates used to pretty much do nothing all winter and stay in their shelters. 
 
It is a time for DEEP introspection but not a time to start and commit to a bunch of new things. 
 
Our culture of productivity has moved so far away from living cyclically that our bodies have become unbalanced and, well, tired. 💤🥱
 
So, instead of New Year’s resolutions, I choose to focus on a sense of BEING.
 
This year, to enter the new calendar year, I chose a theme for the year ahead; or at least the next little while. 💫
 
Without any commitment, action, or goals associated with it. 
 
Just a particular energy to harness throughout the year that will allow myself and my family to step into more embodiment of this theme/energy.
 
To mark this, I had a simple and meaningful ceremony with my kids to bring forth this energy for the upcoming year. 🦋💖📿
 
LOVE is the theme I felt called to. 💗
 
Ok, wait before you have your mind made up about what you think this is and continue reading bellow. ⬇️⬇️⬇️
 
 🌱 This theme felt particularly salient to me with some big life changes happening and tending to some wounds that are still quite fresh.
 
The love I am talking about is not the romantic type of love that comes to mind and dominates the narrative of love. 
 
Or the overabundance of outward traditional displays of love.
 
✨What I am talking about goes deeper than the typical notions of love✨
 
🌿 Love embodied in everything I do
 
🌿 Love embodied in how I think and conceptualize of things
 
🌿 Genuine love of the self in an honest and compassionate way
 
🌿Love for my family members that transcends ways in which I have loved in the past
 
🌿 Love in the way I move my body around the room, the way in which I cook, in how I move through transitions 
 
The hard, honest, raw work of trying to show up consistently for myself and others in a way that embodies this. 🙌
 
 🦋Harnessing the energy of love through period of time and through the seasons. 
 
That, to me, seems more powerful and long-lasting than a list of goals and resolutions. 💥
 
And certainly more aligned with where I live geographically.
 
⁉️And so, I’m curious to know, what theme you looking to deepen in your life in the next little while? ⁉️
 
Let me know.

And may the start of this new season bring forth some deep knowing of yourself.
 
With love,
 
Jen

​

*This Blog Post was originally sent as an email to my subscribers. I was not initially planning to male a blog around it but the response I received was SO impactful that I HAD to share it as a blog!

I have a story to tell you. 📖

Don't worry it's not that long; it will only take 2 minutes of your time!

Here it goes...👇

...This past month has been extremely challenging for me.

I have been tested in a way that I have not experienced before. 

I have been dealing with some life events that have significantly put some stressors on my life and on my relationship. And that, of course, ripples to everything else in my life.

It just sucks.🤷‍♀️

BUT…

What I really noticed about myself during this challenge and hard period in my life is that I am showing up for ME. 🙌

This is, in my 40+ years on this planet, TRULY the first time where I’m not abandoning myself. 👏

This is what I mean…

I’m choosing to do things for me that honor ME and center me in my life and that allow me to not abandon myself and to stay true to me. 💫

🌱 I’m choosing to be more compassionate to my suffering. 

🌱 I’m choosing to place different limits with some people. 

🌱I’m choosing to not allow myself to be the victim (hello old established friendly pattern).

🌱 I’m choosing love and self-understanding above all else.

CONSISTENTLY!

Don’t get me wrong…

This doesn’t mean that every day is easy, and it makes my current situation easier, but what it means is that I’m there no matter what. FOR ME. 

I’m rewiring my brain to BELIEVE that I have a track record to myself of being compassionate, loving, understanding and true to me.

Instead of critical, erratic, inconsistent, and, well, just mean to me.  ⛔️

I’ve spent a lot of my life abandoning myself and giving up on myself. 

Sure, I stuck through some tough things and persevered to “achieve” lots of things.

Things that might look good for others and I might be praised for. ️

But this is not what I am talking about here. ️

🦋 I’m talking about how I navigate things internally and consistently for myself. 

This might not come to a shock to you that I’m REALLY good at showing up for others and being there when it’s so incredibly tough for them.

My friends often tell me that actually.

So do my clients.

And, of course, I am there for my kids. Always. 💯

🌸 But what I have not FULLY realized until NOW is that I have not actually been there for MYSELF in a steadfast way that I have always been for others.

And so, if there is ONE thing this year that I walk away with is that I am fucking PROUD of me for showing up and trusting myself. 👏👏👏

I’ve decided to enter a different relationship with myself. ✨

One where DEEP TRUST is at the core of my fabric.

And that trust that I have moving forward is going to make all the other challenges a little easier.

Because, in times when:
🌿 I feel alone
🌿 ​I feel like there is no one there for me
🌿 I don’t feel understood
🌿 I feel disconnected from my partner, etc.

💓Every cell of mu body KNOWS that I AM THERE for ME.

So, now, I realize it all comes down to WORTHYNESS.

👉To be nice to ME when no one is watching. 

👉When no one can hear my internal talk. 

👉When I won’t be rewarded for it. 

👉When it might actually not look all the good from the outside.

👉When it might ruffle some feathers.

THAT is the REAL question in all this. 

So, now, I ask YOU mama:

💥HOW are YOU there for YOU???

Please reach out and let me know!

Yours in transformation,
​
Jen

🔑Want to unlock the secret to reclaiming yourself and your identity beyond motherhood???

🔥Start with my✨FREE GUIDE✨ for the mom who feels like she’s lost herself in the chaos.
​
 ⚡️I'm SUPER excited to offer a FREE online 5 day journey November 6-10 called:  Rise, Mama, Rise: A 5 journey to reclaiming your spark and your life outside of motherhood.
​
I'll be taking you through my 5 foundational steps to reconnecting with your inner fire and reclaiming your purpose beyond motherhood. AND IT'S FREE!!! 🙌

🔥Make sure you are on my mailing list to find out how you can get access to the FREE 5 day journey! Join me!

Follow @jenrosadupuis for more tips on how to reclaim your identity beyond motherhood💫
I'm also on Facebook!

I’m going to tell you something that brings me fear and anxiety telling others.

Are you ready to hear it?
.
.
.
.
Feeling vulnerable here. It’s terrifying.
.
.
.
.
.
.
But I’m going for it. Here it is:
.
.
.
I took the WHOLE weekend to myself and went on a retreat.

There, I said it.

What’s the big deal you’re thinking?

It’s only 2 days, people do it all the time, etc., right?

But it goes SO much deeper than that for me, and for many of us.

There are so many unconscious societal messages that have been DEEPLY engrained in that it is so difficult to completely free myself from them.

Even if I am someone who knows intellectually about the importance of time away, nurturing the self, having fun, taking breaks, etc.

My knowing that this is “good for me” competes with 40+ years of societal programming.

🌿 I am afraid that I will be judged for leaving my very young kids (one still nursing).

🌿 I am afraid that I will be judged for being “that mom” who has all the time to herself, which is not true of course!

🌿 I’m afraid that this will make others (single parents, those with less resources, etc.) feel even more alone because taking time is not possible.

And I could go on and on….

It’s EXHAUSTING.😫

Isn’t it so silly that I (and WE) spend so much time trying to control what others will think of us! In so many areas of our lives.

Think about this for a moment:

🌱 We are trained as women by larger societal structures that pleasure (and time for self) comes last after everything is done of course.

Which, is a BIG LIE because everything will NEVER get done and this is a set-up for us to never do pleasurable things.

And then when time for pleasure, or us, (call it whatever it is) comes around, we’re too fucking exhausted and dead to the world to do anything. 🥱

You feel me?🙋‍♀️

You FINALLY get to “you” time, and you just collapse or can’t decide what to do.

So you do the “next best thing”, which might involve a tub of ice vegan ice cream and your phone. 🍫

All good if this feels restorative, meaningful, & nourishing for you.

But the problem arises when you want more but can’t because of the above cycle.

Sound familiar?🙈

As Mothers, WE DO NOT OFTEN SHARE ABOUT THE THINGS THAT WE ARE DOING FOR US THAT ARE HELPFUL, HEALING, & SUPPORTIVE.

👉Think about this for a moment. Think of the last 3 conversation you had with mom friends.

I bet they revolved something around stress of kids, challenge, or something similar.

We are so used to joining & relating with each other in our struggle.

We talk about everything that is a challenge (which is legit an important) but it’s tough to step into a space where we talk about joy, pleasure, and time away for US.

Because it can feel scary, vulnerable, and, well, up for judgement. 

Because the unconscious conditioning of a being a “good” mom means she sacrifices herself for others.

Because of the “mom guilt”

Because of “what will other people think?”

✨Mama, it’s time to radically shift this and step into a relationship with yourself that is honouring of your needs.✨

I will leave you with a HUGE MIND-BLOWING moment I had on my retreat. 👇

During the retreat, I met someone who shared with me that they were sensing that I chose to go on this retreat from a place of self-love, knowing, seeking, & determination.  

And NOT from a place of victimhood.

WOAH! This blew my mind. 🤯

You see, what I immediately noticed and jotted down in my journal when settled in my retreat was this:

“I am in a different place arriving here today than I was 4 months ago. I did not wait until I was completely exhausted and on my way to burnout to prioritize nurturing time for ME”.

This is in contrast to my journal entry in April arriving at the same retreat centre:

“How do I feel? Grateful, shame, nervous, tired, glazy-eyed, trying not to be performative, feeling conflicted about this but @ the same time knowing I need to start somewhere.”

Do you also see the STARK difference in 4 months???

Coming from a place of shame & complete exhaustion to a place of awareness of my patterns and, most importantly action and love for ME.  

And this is possible for YOU TOO mama! 💛

If you are still reading, I sense YOU are ready to go on your own retreat.

And to stand in your own power and say those words out loud too!

Yours in transformation,
Jen

There is ONE thing that has become CLEAR to me in the past 3 months.
 
And I have heard many mothers echo this.
 
Here it is: 👇
 
💫WE NEED TO CHANGE HOW WE TALK ABOUT THE IMPACT OF MOTHERHOOD ON IDENTITY. 💫
 
It’s NOT a dark shameful secret to have changed after becoming a mother. 
 
There’s NOT much out there about how motherhood can be an EMPOWERING & TRANSFORMATIVE time for women and their identity.
 
Instead, identity & motherhood is often approached from the place of loss and deficit. 
 
This makes me SO sad for all the beautiful women out there.
 
We hear:
 
🍃 “I lost myself in motherhood’
 
🍃 “I’m not the person that I used to be”
 
🍃”I don’t even know myself anymore”
 
But, it DOES NOT need to be like that!!!
 
🦋 There’s NO reason that changing should feel shameful. 
 
🦋  There’s NO reason why we shouldn’t be talking about it. 
 
🦋  There’s NO reason why we shouldn’t be embracing this. 
 
Having a different relationship with yourself can be profound, and can really allow us to navigate the continuing journey of being a woman & a mom with a DEEP SENSE of knowledge about the self. 
 
​👉Are you with me???

​Our culture is obsessed with predictability and having things figured out. 
 
Unfortunately, this obsession doesn’t stop with women thinking that we should know ourselves and have ourselves figured out.
 
I GET IT, 
 
It can feel distressing to realize that you’ve changed. 
 
That the person who others think you are has changed. 
 
It creates de-stabilization within the self and can impact relationships.
 
🌱 Sound familiar?
 
Think of this for a moment: 
 
👉Did you think twice the last time your phone or computer prompted you to install system updates? 💻
 
Most likely not. 🤯
 
Why? Because you phone could no longer operate in its full potential running on the old version. 
 
We all know how slow, tedious, frustrating it can feel to have an outdated device! 
 
💫 So, mama, as opposed to operating on an old version of yourself that desperately needs an upgrade (and really working against yourself); seize this opportunity to begin your own upgrade!

Yours in transformation,

Jen

⚡️Make sure you get on the waitlist to my IDENTITY ALCHEMY JOURNEY for mothers online 3-month group coaching program, so you have FIRST access when it’s launched.

​💥I am offering a 10% DISCOUNT on total cost to waitlist subscribers! You don’t have to commit to anything yet!

​There are very limited spots!

 
This is not your typical “Laundry & Motherhood” blog post. 🧺
 
We have all seen them; the graphic pictures and posts warning us that motherhood will be a never-ending pile of laundry. 🤯
 
Or the blog articles of 5 tips on “How to stay on top of the laundry as a mom”. 
 
Or even better: “Good moms have dirty floors and big laundry piles.” 🙈
 
You know what I am talking about! 
 
But you see, this stuff never really fit for me anyway. 🤷‍♀️
 
Because conforming to some type of motherhood mold not only feels restrictive but also closes off space for me to live my FULL potential as a mother AND as a WOMAN.
 
Because, after all, I exist too.
 
Last week, I was confronted with my own pile of laundry saga, dilemma, story-call it whatever it is.
 
So, this is how the story goes: 👇
 
There was a significant-sized laundry pile that I kept putting on my bed at the beginning of the day to “get to” folding AND (surprise, surprise), the day went by, and that pile of laundry was still there during bedtime routine. 
 
So, of course, the pile went back in the hamper before I collapsed my tired body into  bed at night.
 
And I repeated this predictable pattern more times than I can count over the course of the week.
 
Sound familiar? I know you’ve been there too mama… 🙋‍♀️
 
Here is the crux of what this post is about…
 
The first day of the laundry pile story, my internal talk went a little like: “oh well, tomorrow”, with a plan in my mind of course to fold it “later”.
 
Then, day after day, I began silently judging myself for “not getting to it”.
 
Looking back, I was not very gentle to myself in my head. 
 
My negative self-talk was through the roof! 
 
Each day, my body tensed up and just the sight of the hamper instantly created an internal feeling of stress and I noticed myself becoming short with others. 
 
It took me a solid few days to consciously recognize what I was doing to myself. 
 
🌱 I WAS ALLOWING AN INANIMATE PILE OF OBJECTS DEFINE MY WORTH.
 
I spent AN ENTIRE WEEK internally (subconsciously) judging myself because of clothing that could not care less about what happens to it. 
 
I was well on my way to the road of shame. 
 
So here’s the thing:
 
👉 The laundry  pile DOES NOT define who YOU are.
 
👉 The laundry pile DOES NOT judge you.
 
👉 The laundry pile DOES NOT care about your intentions.
 
And it’s not just the laundry, it could be ANYTING in your life that provokes how you feel about yourself.
 
So, how about we free ourselves from all the inner turmoil we place on ourselves and instead focus on internal resources and energy toward what makes us FEEL ALIVE? 🙌
 
That’s something that can be EXTREMELY POWERFUL! 
 
Because, this will allow you, not only to be in different relationship with yourself BUT ALSO create an identity that is grounded in gratitude for what you do & what is TRULY important to YOU. ✨
 
The message here is not to “just give up” on everything.
 
But rather, to have a conscious awareness of your relationship with “the laundry” or whatever the thing is, so that your internal self-talk is empowering and affirming. 💫
 
And not shame-inducing.
 
✨When we are truly conscious of our own internal talk and the energy we put toward it, we can transcend the culturally conditioned messages of what we ought to do and move toward acceptance and appreciation of what is.
 
Because YOU matter. 
 
And, seriously, fuck the laundry pile! 🧺
 
You’re SO MUCH MORE than that. 💛
 
Yours in transformation and strength,
 
Jen
 
⚡️ Want more support on finding time to ground yourself, go the download my FREE GUIDE to 3 Mini-Moments to connect with yourself when EVERYONE needs something for you.
 
🔥 Stay tuned, later this week, I will be opening my WAILTIST for my 3-month online IDENTITY ALCHEMY JOURNEY FOR MOTHERS Group Program. Sign up for my mailing list and be the first to know.
 
Oh, and join me on my one-day IGNITED MOTHER RETREAT on August 26th! Early Bird rate will end SOON!🐣

Every time I see a Lupin flower, I am instantly taken back to a time in my life, 15 years ago, when I lived in Northern Minnesota near Lake Superior.   
 
Joy, slow living, ease, love, cyclical living, & groundedness effortlessly flowed.
 
I have vivid memories of being amongst the lupins on my long runs in the dirt backroads while I was training for half-marathons. 
 
​ALL my senses come alive when I think of this-I can feel the dampness in the air of an early summer morning, smell the mineral-rich dirt drying up from the early morning dew, hear the early morning songbirds engaged in conversation and the sound of the nearby creek still engorged with springtime snowmelt water. I feel the ever so slight breeze on my face slowly waking me up and see an abundance of deep purple and pink tall lupins greeting me as I run for miles and miles along my trusted training route. I can still see the lupins going from having dewdrops on them in the early morning to radiating vibrance and light as the sun rays begin to catch them and warm them up  as my run comes to an end.
 
🌿When I picture this, my body feels calm, at ease. 
 
🌿There is spaciousness in my chest to breathe. 
 
🌿Nothing feels heavy.
 
At the time, we lived in an old restored barn with a couple of Husky dogs and would be lulled to sleep by the sound of Wolf calls and Spring Peepers. 
 
This was a time in my life when I was a time millionaire. And I had no idea!
 
I would spend any time I was not working going on LONG hikes, visiting local swim holes, making my own bread, pickling my own homegrown veggies, spending lazy weekend mornings in bed with my husband, travelling seasonally to gorgeous places for work, receiving guests for delicious food, drinking lots of cheap 3$ wine (I’ve evolved since then), going rock climbing, paddling lakes and rivers, backcountry camping, doing yoga, and  making things.
 
Let me assure you, not everything was perfect and I definitely had some challenges, but looking back, it was dreamy.
 
I remember when my husband and I were about to move to a different location and pursue other education opportunities and leave this lifestyle saying to him: “YOU know, we are going to look back on this period of our life here and REALLy miss it”. He said “I know, but it’s time”. 
 
When we moved to Canada, we lived in a more urban environment and the late springtime/early summer was no longer marked with the appearance of these tall vibrantly beautiful flowers.
 
I missed them.
 
There was one home in our neighbourhood that had a large beautiful ornamental wildflower–like garden and the owners had planted a very small lupin patch. Every day during early June, I took my dog for a walk past this house and was soothed by looking at the lupins but missed their wild beauty accompanying me through the season in masses. 
 
Numerous years later, we moved our family to a different province (where we still live) close to where I grew up. One June morning, I was driving and there they were hundreds and thousands of Lupins everywhere!
 
✨My hear sang. My senses came alive. My body felt a deep rush of calmness and connection. I cried. 
 
I had forgotten they were indigenous to the land here and had a deeply rooted place in the wild area. I began reconnecting with the calm, peace, and energy they give me. 
 
This was at a very difficult time in my life where I struggled in many areas and could not have time for me. The Lupin brought me some relief from that. It was a shared symbol between my partner and I and I was so excited to introduce this flower to my children. 
 
When we moved into the home where we currently live, one day in the springtime, my husband enthusiastically took me outside and was excited to show me his new discovery- because he knew… 
 
It was a little Lupin leaf emerging from the Spring soil. 🌱

We both instantly recognized the familiar leaf. We started walking the ditch in our front yard to discover numerous little other leaves beginning to emerge. 
 
My eyes started tearing up and I felt an immense sense of gratitude to the Earth for gifting me these meaningful precious flowers on the land where I lived. 
 
So now, when lupin season comes around, I bathe myself in them! I use every opportunity to be around them as much as possible, cultivate them, gift them to people, photograph them, etc. 
 
To me, they are more than a pretty flower; they represent so much of my connection, growth, and continued healing. It is a symbol that unites my husband and I through time and place and now a ritual with my kids to marvel and harvest them.
 
But most importantly, they are a sensory anchor that I can rely on to bring me nervous system regulation.
 
So, if you are still reading, I want you to know that we can use nature in POWERFUL ways to not only change our internal states but also to accompany us through time and change. 
 
And for the lupin, I am grateful for this. 
 
✨I am curious, what is YOUR Lupin? What element in nature hold that power and that story for you?
 
✨What difference does it make to your day when you turn toward this element?
 
If this blog resonates with you, For more tips, check out my FREE GUIDE on how to take 3 mini-moments for yourself even when everyone else needs something from you. I promise, there’s some good stuff in there!

With warmth and light,

Jen

​Recently, I have been struggling with “keeping up” with, well, my life. All the things; the tidying, finding clothes for the kids in this new season, adapting to the sudden swarm of mosquitos and bug bitten kids, feeding myself and the kids, taking time for me amidst this, trying to connect with my partner, navigating some pretty impactful challenges with one of my kids, endlessly trying to find childcare, figuring our finances, working on new offerings for my business, and just generally trying to have some semblance of feeling OK in it all. 💨🌪
 
You know when EVERYTHING just feels HARD? 😩
 
Why am I telling you all this?
 
Because, mama, I know you have most likely done like me, tried ALL THE THINGS to try and feel better. Because, like you, the mothers I work with are resourceful beings.
 
Resouceful like I tried being today. 
 
I tried re-conceptualizing “the mess”, “lowering my expectations” (they are already pretty low these days), telling myself that this is temporary, doing some things to regulate my nervous system, nature time, putting my hands in the dirt (garden); you see where I am going…
 
But it was not helping.
 
Then, I gave myself a real dose of “this is fucking hard” and “this sucks”. I sat in it pretty much of the day. There were tears and still are. I went through my phase of “I should be able to use my resources to “get over this””. Hello old friend!
 
I have enough evidence of my 40+ years in this world and in my years of parenting that these difficult feelings will shift eventually but, you know what, it’s still tough. I am not yet done learning this apparently. And that’s ok.
 
BUT, you know what I didn’t do?
 
👉Try to fix everything in my life, pick an argument with my partner, turn to people in my life that I know will not be helpful and then just feel even worse, catastrophize, compare myself to others, 
 
The things I had been very skilled in doing over my lifetime that I have moved beyond. 
 
By the way, the ALL THE THINGS I mentioned trying earlier DO work, they just don’t take away the emotions that arise.
 
✨And that’s when it hit me! I am continuously trying to “work really hard” at using these tools because there was a part of my life that the feeling I experienced today completely overtook me and was present for the beginning years of my little ones’ life. And I know I don’t EVER want to go there again. And I won’t because of my continued journey and path and, most of all, my commitment to myself. 
 
Your relationship with yourself if the only relationship that will span the length of your lifetime.
 
Let that sink in. 
 
You are in relationship with yourself longer than you will EVER be in with anyone else.
 
Might as well befriend yourself and REALLY learn to partner with yourself so you can trust in yourself and rely on yourself in moments like these. You see, I have given myself the evidence through my own track record to myself that I will show up for myself in moments like these.
 
And showing up does not mean not struggling. 
 
Today, for me, it meant being an observer and noticing familiarity in what I was experiencing and knowing that, despite how horrible it felt, that the light in my forward path is there. And with gentleness and love. And, with this, I am continuing to build self-trust.
 
🌱 So, mama, how are you showing yourself evidence of self-trust?

🌱 How do you show up for yourself? 

​🌱 What do you want to start doing differently so that you show yourself a stedfast commitment to you?
 
💥🔥Stay tuned early next week for a FREE mini-offering to do just this, help you connect with yourself in these moments that feel unbelievably hard.

Make sure to follow me on Instagram and Facebook for frequent medicine for you mama soul 💫

​💛

I want to share a story with you on identity and motherhood.

​My sister organized (on my request of course- being the organized Virgo that I am) a beautiful Blessingway when I was pregnant with my first Rainbow baby. We gathered the most important women in my life to send me blessings as I was about to cross the threshold into motherhood.
 
I don’t remember the specific blessings (I am sure they were beautiful).
 
What I do remember is this feeling that I had and shared with those women that I DID NOT WANT TO “LOSE MYSELF/MY IDENTITY” through motherhood. 
 
As a therapist and facilitator of deep transformative experiences, I heard way too many times women intimately share with me and be challenged with the feeling of losing themselves/their identity in motherhood. I heard this echoed by women decades older than me this weekend on a retreat (I’ll tell you about that experience soon).
 
At the time of the Blessingway, I was in my late 30’s and was proud and grounded in who I was and my journey to get there. There was NO WAY I would lose myself/my identity to motherhood.
 
Well, fuck…
I was wrong.
 
I LOST MYSELF
 
I felt like a failure
 
I had 2 babies back to back (one being a spirited), a pandemic happened, we moved to a new geographical area and left our “past life”, community and all, and most challenging of all, chose to live in an area (unbeknownst to us) with a serious childcare shortage.
 
So, here I was, new mom and all, with absolutely no childcare in the horizon and not able to return to work for what felt like much longer than the immediate future. (I still have not found regular affordable childcare btw)
 
My work was my passion. A culmination of my rich and unconventional life experiences and an expression of myself that honoured my journey. It was my heart. It allowed me to create, to metaphorically dance with people in their journey. It brought me a felt sense of accomplishment, connected me with humanity, provided space to self-reflect and grow and to make sense of my (and the collective) human experience. And most above all, GROW.
 
Somehow, I was not able to fully ground myself and surrender to mothering full-time and feel a deep level of satisfaction and purpose in this. Many of my mom friends seemed to feel that fulfillment. 
I didn’t. 
 
For a long time, I felt a great deal of shame around this. (and it still shows up at vulnerable times)
 
I needed space to BREATHE
To connect to my essence
It was all too consuming
 
So, I lost myself HARD.
 
It became all too foggy in my brain. Between the mental load, the lack of sleep, tying to understand what was happening for one of my children, challenges in my intimate relationship, the feeling of being stuck and a prisoner in my own life, and financial stressors, my essence faded away.
 
I no longer had deep trust in myself, didn’t see my gifts, felt incredibly shaky, could not make decisions that pertained to me, felt deeply unimportant, questioned my place in this world, felt a deep sense of distress about my life and my future, and felt like I lost all uniqueness that belonged to me. Things were dark, heavy, depressing.
 
This was NOT how I wanted to do/experience motherhood. I was/am also REALLY good at expecting myself to be a conscious/intentional/gentle/respectful mother at all time (if this resonates, I see you).
 
So the shame crept in (hello old friend) and the essence of ME melted away or went on extended vacation. 
 
It was not until the pain of all of this became so incredibly unbearable and burned me out on multiple occasions and confined me to bed that I knew a RADICAL shift needed to happen.
 
NO ONE WAS GOING TO COME SAVE/RESCUE ME.
 
I knew this in theory, of course, but really needed to FEEL IT DEEPLY.
 
So I did some things. (That’s a WHOLE post in itself but feel free to reach out now and ask if you are burning to know!)
 
And I slowly started to feel alive and to feel excited again. Things felt more hopeful. I was able to see possibilities again. I was curious about myself.
 
Don’t get me wrong, I did not fully embrace myself and my life everyday (and still don’t); but is was ok.
 
I now have a more nuanced view on identity and motherhood. 
They are weaved together like a beautiful piece of fabric. 
 
I no longer see “loosing oneself to motherhood” as a personal failure.
 
Change through such a jarring, transformative experience is INEVITABLE.

Experiences SHAPE us and sometimes they SHAKE us.
 
We have the personal power to alchemise the experience. 
Slowly; when we are ready.
 
And you know what the most fascinating thing is?
 
I still carry with me the essence of the Jen before kids. I didn’t actually lose it. I’m still all those things BUT a new LEVELLED UP version. 
 
It’s giving me the perspective to REALLY spend time of WHAT MATTERS and cut all the other bullshit out. I didn’t have the guts to do that before; now it’s necessary for my mental health and wellness survival.
 
No vision quest, women’s retreat, ecstatic dancing, processing circle, or other transformative experience has EVER allowed me to reach THIS deeply within myself and get real about ME.
 
So, if this speaks to you; this is my jam. To deeply explore YOU.
 
LET’S RE-STORY IDENTITY together and bring meaning, joy and transformation to your daily experience. 
 
Yours in transformation and strength,
 
Jen

​For as long as I remember, I’ve been fascinated by Fiddleheads (AKA tiny little growing ferns). Their beautiful geometric shape, vibrant green colour, delicate leaves, and shedding brown winter layer… 

Each year, those who know me, witness my excitement when I spot my very first Fiddlehead. Something inside of me awakens.

I’ve never given myself time to pause and really think about why these delicate growths capture my imagination. Recently, I did this and I am excited to share with you my insights on how Fiddleheads relate to the therapy process. 

​I am fascinated by Fiddleheads because they come back to life after being buried by snow and harsh winter conditions. I am amazed at their resiliency and how they carefully unfurl their tightly coiled heads toward the light in due time. Their delicate new growth is vulnerable, as they lay open to being trampled by critters and animals. I’m astonished at how Fiddleheads grow into large lush gracious ferns. I also am captivated by the fact that they grow in predominantly shady and moist areas but can truly achieve their full potential in these, sometimes dark, conditions.
​ 
You see, this is what I am privy to in my therapy office every day...
 
Fiddleheads are a powerful metaphor for the therapeutic journey of both couples and individuals as well as the potential of people’s experience.
 
With couples, I often see partners tightly coiled up when they first come in to see me. At times, they’ve needed to protect themselves because past hurts may have led to the feelings of pain, lack of safety in the relationship, and of vulnerability. However, as the process of therapy unfolds and the intentional creation of an emotionally safe environment is present, unfurling can carefully happen and I witness partners courageously turning toward each other, putting themselves out there, and supporting each other in their individual and relational growth. When it feels like there is stagnation in the process, together, we tend to the conditions needed for continued change.
 
Fiddleheads also have a layer of brown “fuzz” that can be removed by carefully massaging the ferns. This is my role in our process together, to help “massage” and soften the harshness of the environment at times and to help expose the beauty that lays beneath. Although the conditions may feel shady and dark, I hold so much hope that you can grow in your environment alongside some support.

You are not alone in this.
 
So, next time you encounter a Fiddlehead, I invite you to pause and honour its journey like I do yours.
 
As always, I welcome you to contact me or book an appointment if you think I may be of support and see how we may work toward what’s important to you and your relationships.
 
Be well,
 
Jen
 
Follow my Facebook page for frequent updates and tips